All my life I knew I was different. Overly sensitive, hyper-emotional, self-taught, with a lot of communication problems. I was always at the top of my class in almost every subject without working. With many fears and great anxieties throughout my life. throughout my life. I always knew that I had an exceptional intelligence but I always liked to help my friends in but I always liked to help my friends in difficulty, so I never tried to do less to the other students in the class. the other students in the class. From an early age, I was disqualified from several painting, drawing and drawing contests. painting, drawing and poetry contests because the judges claimed that it was impossible for a child of it was impossible for a 6-7 year old to do those jobs without help.
In 2014, I saw a television broadcast where they interviewed a “precocious” child, a “little genius”, a 7-year-old French French 7 year old and explained the problems he had with his classmates and in his everyday life. everyday life. The anxieties, the hypersensitivity, the hyper-emotionality, and I immediately identified with him. When I was a teenager, there was a movie movie called “Will Bill” came out and in Mexico it was released under the name of “Mente “Mente indomable” (Indomitable Mind). That movie has always made me cry, because I identified with the main character. with the main character, but unlike him, I was not arrogant. Mainly because I was an abused child. One of the reasons I identified with him is because I had been sent to therapy during my high school studies. I had been sent to therapy during my high school studies. But I quickly left therapy because I felt that it didn’t help me at all and that the therapist needed more help than I did. therapist needed more help than I did. After the interview with that “genius” kid, I saw an article on the Internet about an English girl who had been accepted into the Mensa accepted into the Mensa association in Great Britain and I began to I began to look for information about the association. Two months later, I took the entrance exam (in French) and I was admission test (in French) and I was accepted without any problems. At that moment I started to accept for the first time in my life that I was High Potential.
Unfortunately, knowing that didn’t change much in my life, but inside I felt calmer. I felt calmer inside. I still had the same problems with socializing but now I knew that I was really different.
In 2022, at a [Mensa] meeting (https://mensa-idf.fr), all the attendees were talking about their additional problems ADHD, ASD, TSA, and other problems. ADHD, TSA, DYS, etc. except for me. At some point, I began to suspect that I probably had one of those problems too. I probably had one of those problems too. Upon returning home, I began to I started looking for information and going through the tests found on the internet, seeing that all the results seeing that all the results gave a high percentage of probability that I was Asperger’s. I was [Asperger’s]. From that moment on, I began to seriously consider that possibility and the symptoms explained all the and the symptoms explained all the different situations in my life. My relationship with my family, at school, the fact that I had a high intellect, my problems in arguing with people, my problems in communication, my problems in approaching girls, my facility to learn new things in a very short time, EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING!
Over the next week I began to feel homesick. I was beginning to feel that the differences in approaching people were starting to become more apparent to me. The phone calls that I always hated, began to be less frustrating. During that same year, I went through several project management and manager trainings, where I started to say that I had a lot of experience in the field. and Manager trainings, where I began to say that I was different. One of the trainers one of the trainers recommended that I make a comment at the beginning of the meetings to announce that I was behaving differently. that I was behaving a little differently without giving any further explanation or personal information. without giving any more explanations or personal information. That gave me much more confidence, more legitimacy.
I finally began to accept myself as Asperger’s a few weeks later. Several of my colleagues at work several of my work colleagues made comments to me about some psychiatrist acquaintances and agreed that there were certain differences without there were certain differences without further comment. In particular, two of them told me that they were married to psychotherapists that they were married to psychotherapists. They were well aware of my situation and saw me as just another person with Aspergers. At some point, a comment saying that it should be difficult for my co-workers to work with me, to be able to understand many things more quickly and to find things more quickly and find solutions more easily.
At some point, at the end of the year, everything became clearer and clearer. I began to accept and I began to accept and tell my circle of acquaintances that I was probably Asperger’s, but that I had not yet been diagnosed. I had not yet been diagnosed. No one was offended or surprised. I was finally doing things that were a little simpler for me and my level was relatively high on many different subjects without having to spend a lot of time working or studying them. Finally, I could say things without offending people and without arousing envy. envy. Simply put, I am Asperger’s. I began to accept myself.
An anecdote that quickly came to my mind was the moment I learned to drive. My father sold me his car and before he gave it to me, I asked my brother to teach me how to drive. how to drive. We went out to practice one Sunday on the deserted streets near the house. My brother, who had no patience at all, became desperate after 30 minutes, because he couldn’t shift gears. because he couldn’t manage to change gears without the clutch making noise. Desperate, he told me that he was going to ruin the car before he learned to drive and asked me to return home. asked me to come back to the house, very angry. During the following week, I went out several times with the car, to visit my friends. It was terrible, the It was terrible, the car stopped at every corner, but I was willing to drive at all costs. The following Sunday, I visited other friends who were mechanics and tinsmiths. I arrived very happy and showing them the car keys I said “That’s it, I got my car, let’s go for a drive to the lookout point” (on the federal highway to Cuernavaca) and, swinging the keys, I added swinging the keys, I added “who’s driving”. To which they all replied in cacophony “You! It’s your car”. 20 minutes later I was trying to climb the slope of the federal highway to Cuernavaca, the car stopped every 30 meters and the other drivers behind our car kept honking the horn, the car stopped every 30 meters and the other drivers behind our car kept honking their horns. Fortunately, my friends calmed me down and reassured me by telling me “Don’t worry, if they want to pass, let them jump you”. Classic phrase in Mexico City. I took huge risks in those days. That same week I picked up my girlfriend of that time at the airport driving on the the airport driving on the inner circuit, it was the first time I used a fast lane. a fast track.
Anyway, six weeks after that stressful Sunday with my brother, I took my girlfriend and one of her neighbors to the airport. girlfriend and one of her neighbors to the subway. During the talk, the neighbor celebrated the way I had driven for a reason I don’t remember. I said to him, “And that I am learning!”. To which my girlfriend replied, “No, you already know how to drive. drive. It’s just that you learned too fast.” It was the first time I was confronted with a reality: I don’t just learn and advance fast, I can become an expert quickly. an expert quickly. Another problem was looming: taking responsibility. I was learning fast but not taking responsibility, preferring to remain incognito and avoid getting I preferred to remain incognito and avoid being given more work. I later found out that I also suffered greatly from the I didn’t feel I had the legitimacy to assert what I knew perfectly well. I knew perfectly well.
Throughout my life, I avoided talking about everything I did. Some friends knew only a part of my abilities, whether it was the music part, or the computer part or the the computer part or the math part or the do-it-yourself part, or my manual skills. manual skills. I think there is no one who knows me completely. One of the main reasons, was the jealousy that this attitude can arouse. Since I was a child, some of my aunts, my mother’s sisters, used to tell me: “You shouldn’t tell everything you know. you know. Nobody likes geniuses”. When I entered high school, a friend who helped me fill out my application form told me: “You mustn’t say everything you know. my registration form told me: “Never sit in front of the classroom because that’s where the intellectuals sit. that’s where the intellectuals sit. Don’t sit in the back either, because that’s where the donkeys sit. the donkeys sit there. Always sit in the middle of the room”. This induced in me the attitudes of a normal person, although normal person, although my abilities quickly stood out. Unfortunately, I always had rivalries I always had rivalries in the classes, but I didn’t care about competing. I just wanted to have a quiet life, I already had too many problems with my family to have more problems at school. I already had too many problems with my family to have more problems at school. Besides, everyone I told that I did two or three that I did two or three things, they thought I was good at one and imagined I was bad at the other. they imagined that I was bad at the other. The reason is that many people said : “You’re either good at music, or you’re good at math. You can’t be good at two things at the same time.”
That’s how I spent my whole life. Hiding a big part of what I could do. Sometimes, I would invite some friends from one circle to go with me to another circle and they would say to me, “I never I would say, “I never imagined you would do that and at that level.” In particular, when I I would invite my friends from the Faculty of Science to see me play in the salsa orchestra.
Now, when people think I’m a mythomaniac or that I exaggerate, it’s easier to justify my abilities by saying that I am Asperger’s. In particular, because I don’t I don’t have pictures of everything I’ve been able to do and that’s a shame. The drawings I did as a child as a child, the poems that were a bit weird, were thrown in the trash.
It still happens to me a lot when I discuss with my collégas and explain some technical things, that I spend more time trying to technical things, that I spend more time trying to make them understand what took sometimes a few minutes to visualize. a few minutes to visualize. But like everyone else, I also get it wrong, and sometimes for very simple things. In fact, figurative language sometimes I don’t get it right, neither sarcasm.